soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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