I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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