My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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