I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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