i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
