bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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