WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
