dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
