and i looked up. we had an audience...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
