he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
