those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
