$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
