Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
