that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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