***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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