if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Randomize