you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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