literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
