I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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