It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
