I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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