Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
