see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
