In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
