Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
