I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
