there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
