I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
