K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
