fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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