thus making me awesome and them whores
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize