at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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