i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
two words: eviction party
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
