you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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