I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
