so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
