Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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