We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
