a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
