Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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