I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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