i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
