elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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