how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
