She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
