allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
