Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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