I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
