just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
