Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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