He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
