is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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