on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
