Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
