I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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