The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
