Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
