I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
