I wanna bring you to show and tell
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
