i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
