your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
