Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
