Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize