YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
