omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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