The maid of honor just puked.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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