i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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