did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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