Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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