the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize