I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is classic penis vs brain.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
