I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
