We won't sleep together?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
