Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
