Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
